I feel as if I am in a desert place……
Today as the family was fishing Paul told Eliana a story of fear. Eliana did not want to touch the worms we were fishing with, and so we made her. She cried the entire way from my side to Paul’s side with this worm in her hand. She was so fearful of what this worm might do to her. I sit listening to Paul tell her about how she should not be afraid or fear the things that we have told her to do.
He started telling her of when Moses sent the spies into Canaan. He told her that even though God had given them this land they were fearful and were afraid of what lied on the other side. The giants and other things that they could possibly face feared them. Paul told her that if they had obeyed they would have been able to face there fears and overcome them with Gods help. Instead they had to live there life in the desert for 40 years. The only people who were allowed into the land that God had given to them were two people who had obeyed despite what others had said. Paul told her that if they had obeyed they would have been able to have what God had promised them. In the same way we are to obey our parents because God rewards those who obey their parents. This concept seem to sit well with her and she was not afraid of the worm.
As he was telling her this though the thought of the land Paul and I were going to buy came into my mind. Did I disobey God by telling Paul all of my fears of this land? Did I now make it to where Paul and I will not see the “promise land” due to my non willingness to face my fears with Paul and my God? Did I think that these fears where so big that God could not handle them? I find my self thinking of these over and over today wondering if I didn’t mess things up again with my fears. I know that God can use us for His glory, but the question lies in did I give up His perfect will for a will of my own? It makes me wonder what I did or didn’t do because of my fear. Will I ever know? Is this the guilt that I have to endeavor to make it so I will not make the same mistake twice? Welcome to my desert.
5 comments:
That's a tough one. I think it's okay to voice your opinion, because it's still Paul's choice, too. It doesn't seem that you "messed up". I think that you could look at it like, whatever decision is made by the two of you, keep your trust in God that He will be beside you after you make the choice. Maybe your "promise land" is right where you are with your beautiful family.
You probably did mess up, but good thing His grace is sufficient. Ask your husband for forgiveness and ask God for forgiveness, then as God to help you forgive YOURSELF!!Love you! Amy
You probably did mess up, but good thing His grace is sufficient. Ask your husband for forgiveness and ask God for forgiveness, then as God to help you forgive YOURSELF!!Love you! Amy
To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue...Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Proverbs 16:1 & 3
I think that God can give us wisdom as to why things wouldn't be the best choice. It's a hard line, but it sounds like God was telling you that you don't have to have fears/concerns. God is good though, and He will make everything perfect in the end. Your family will always be blessed and provided for. :)
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