the massacre

On our wedding day,
I pledged you,
I committed to you,
I promised you.


I lied. 
I failed.
I broke the promise.
I broke the pledge. 
I committed adultery.

I broke you.
I watch you bleed.
I took your life. 
I took your love.
I took your worship.

I gave you away.

I gave us away.

I’m in your debt. 
May my life be yours.
Take me.
Mold me.
Make me.
Cleanse me.
Restore to me the one I once cherished.

Restore the love

Restore me

Restore the love

Restore me

I realize the abomination I gave our commitment

I understand my mistakes

You are the constant in my life

Whom I will always love

I still believe in a marriage with you

I have reaffirmed my commitment to you

Please, for the love of all that is beautiful

Please, for the love of life

Please, for the love of our children

Please.......

My hear crys

Do you hear me
Do you hear my cry
Do you hear my saddness

Not enough to love me

I hear you
I made you cry
I hear your saddness

Enough to love you

God hear the cry of my heart. Heal me.

Beautiful

How can I be beautiful to you
How can you love me if I'm not
Is there something, anything, I can do
Will I ever be beautiful to you again

God help me be beautiful from the inside out.  If I am not beautiful then I will never be beautiful.

It hurts......

knot in my stomach

There is a knot in my stomach

And I hate that it’s there

It comes when I’m insecure

There is a pain in my body

And I did not put it there

It comes when I’m insecure

I am sick

I am in pain

I am insecure

My salvation

My marriage

My life

Is this all

Is this mine

Is this life

The lights flicker

Hoar seems to find you

As you close your eyes

Not thinking of tomorrow

An intimidating silence

The ones once loved

Overwhelmed with fear

Promise of light

Hanging on to straws

Once known peace

Blaming for all went wrong

Intimacy of mind

At last, done

birthday

Things are going o.k. right now. I turn 33 in one week.

Year 32... In the past year what do i have to show for it? What have I done? What have I accomplished? Who have I shown love to? Who has seen it? If I died today what would my headstone say? Did I make this past year a year to remember or should it be erased? Who can say "well done good and faithful servant"? Would anyone say that? Does my life point to Christ or to me? Does my family know that I cherish each one of them?

One day, tomorrow, will never come. When that happens what would you say about the life I have lead? What am I to you?

This past year has been o.k. Next year will be different, as no year can be the same. I will grow. I will cherish. I will seek. I will love. I will cry. I will be hurt. I will hurt. I will stay present. I will be here. I will find. I will loose. I will win. I will go on. I will...