Today I am facing my worst enemy and best friend and telling them they are not welcome in my life anymore. My enemy has been my best friend at times but always brings me to my own destruction when I let her tell me what it is I think I want to hear. Why is it always the one you knew would always be there is the one you need to get rid of? I have been talking to my amazing husband about her and he thinks that I also need to finally be rid of her and only in my scheduling is she ever going to be gone (I also hate to schedule. A piece of paper that holds what I do in a day gives too much power to a piece of paper. YUCK!). I have to do though what will be best for my family. And that is having me around for a long time. The enemy I fight is my reliance on food to make everything better. If I am having a bad day chocolate will be there. If I feel like no one is listening a nice caramel frapachino will be there to take in my pain. A nice piece of steak is a great reward for just about anything.
I love food well not just any food but great food. I am surrounded by it. I am here to be the beneficiary of all great cooking. Who can pass up a meal that tastes so good? Who can pass up that cake on your child’s birthday “because it will hurt their feelings if I don’t eat it”? Our society is built around food and it sucks. Any meeting you go to and there is food. Is there a date out there that you can go on where they don’t serve you food? I have been trying to get together with friends for different occasions and where is there to go besides Starbucks that you can sit and “meet” with someone whether it is for counseling or just a place to catch up on what is going on. When you want to take someone out to talk where is the first place you think of? Does it involve food? Do we go places because with food so that we don’t always have to have an awkward silence? We can just be eating. I don’t know of any meeting that I attend that doesn’t revolve the meeting around a large platter of food.
Today I give my gluttony to the only one who can take it from me. God. Do I need to say more? Should we have it over a 1200 calorie caramel frap? I think not.
God, help me to give all that I am to you. Today I give you my enemy that has held me for so long. Help me to be the wife and mother you want me to be. Help my body be a temple for you to dwell in and it not be a breeding ground for fat. Take all that is wrong and allow it to be made hole and pure. Let this body be healthy so that I can live a long life glorifying you and teaching my girls not to walk in my steps that I have followed for so many years. Let me learn to lean on you and not on the things that I think will fill what it is I am feeling. Let your love be enough, let you be enough in my life.
1 comment:
Simply amazing. I love you.
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